What if Jesus came back to Earth and he was a complete asshole?

I am not talking about the sandal wearing, hanging on a cross, wine drinking, whore loving Jesus, not that guy, but rather some just some douche-bag with all the right moves, a great haircut and tons of fans just claiming to be Jesus.

What would you do?… what could you do?... Who in the fuck are you to dare question the word of God…you are just some normal schmo, you know; hanging out, living life, waiting for the rapture and then along comes some prick claiming to be the messiah. What if that prick really is the messiah?
It is not like he has a business card, or a resume with references that you can call and check out... It is all about the faith… you just have to have faith, no questions, no references, no miracles… just believe. That has worked out so well recently: Jim Jones, David Koresh, Joseph Smith, Sun Myung Moon etc…. you get the idea.
“faith… have faith”. Who are you to question the son of God, the Christ, the Nazarene, the sky Daddy’s numero uno, the alpha, the omega, Mr Big dick.
Seriously, talk about a fucking slippery slope, none of us have actually met the man, all our info is second hand at best, completely fabricated at worst…. if he actually is Jesus and he really is a prick, what are you going to do? Complain to who? He is the fucking Christ. Maybe he is still pissed about the last time he was here, maybe he is just an asshole who knows, but who the fuck are we to question the Christ?
Assholes claiming to be a messenger, a tool a vessel of God are nothing new, but few have had the fucking stones to claim to be the man himself. That takes a special kind of asshole, or profound insanity, few have had the fucking pure audacity/lunacy to try, but those who have, burned brightly and crashed spectacularly.
Douche-baggery is by no means the sole territory of Christians my friends, oh no… all the blessed religions have just as many douche bag cunts claiming to be the one. Rest assured that douche-baggery is an equal opportunity, non denomination employer. Any twat with a vision can apply to be the savior of mankind and Gods knows we need saving. It is obvious to any God fearing-paranoid-social-fuck up that we are two steps away from the end of days. What, with the homos and the nigras an the commies, these are dark times my friends.
Let me introduce you to the living Buddha…Lu Sheng-Yen (盧勝彥, Lú Shèngyàn) he is the Grand Master and the Rinpoche an honorific used in Tibetan Buddhism, it literally means "precious one (both self-awarded). According to his own website, in which he speaks about himself in the third person, (just a personal aside; I feel that there should be a law, which states anytime someone speaks about themselves in the third person you are allowed to punch them in the face, no questions asked) he is: “a poet, a prolific writer, a journalist and an editor, a divinatory, a geomancy expert, a Christian, a Taoist Master, a Buddhist Master, the Living Buddha Lian-shen (a Tantric guru), a monk, a psychic! He is someone who is everything.”
Now for some of his asshole career highlights:
After a meeting in November 1996 with the Dalai Lama and a meeting with the 100th Ganden Tri Rinpoche, Lu asserted in multiple press concefernces and speeches that both the Dalai Lama and Ganden Tripa Rinpoche had endorsed him as an authority in Tibetan Buddhism. This was immediately rebutted by both the Dalai Lama and the Ganden Tripa Rinpoche, both of whom asserted that no such endorsement had ever been made and they advised Tibetan monasteries to avoid contact with Lu, so as to diminish the possibility that they could be misrepresented for his own benefit. Tsering Phuri, the president of International TIBET center said, "People should not say, `I am a living Buddha'
Lu’s claims that he has millions of disciples have also been heavily questioned by The International Tibet Center, as well as his claim to have lineage from various Tibetan royal lineages( he was actually born to a middle class family in rural Taiwan). The office of the Dali Lama office also dismissed claims made by Lu that he had been afforded an audience of between 1500 and 2000 lamas upon a 1996 visit to Tibet and India.
Lu claims that in true Buddhism drinking alcohol and eating meat are both acceptable. However, considering that he is the self-appointed head of the “True Buddhism” sect and the Living Buddha there is no one alive worthy of questioning him.
He also is, but Failed to mention in his website, a felon, con artist sexual predator and a bail jumping, tax evading, scumbag on the run from multiple criminal cases in multiple countries and jurisdictions.

So the Buddha came back and he is a prick what are you going to do? Call Jesus and ask him to talk to fat boy and sort his shit out. Better yet let’s call Mohammed and ask him to bitch slap Sidhartha until he smartens up.
If history has taught me anything it is that Gods serve the needs of mankind.